"Southern California, Sunsets Like a Long Goodbye"

So driving to work today.... freezing car, winter jacket, snow hat, my coffee.. cold, minutes after purchase. Shitty morning... until my Ipod played a song about California...ooooh takes me back a few months ago, on my journey to California. So in the lovely Jersey winter, some pics to keep you all warm. Taken from my hotel room, driving around Hollywood, and San Diego. To say I had a blast would be an understatement! It was great seeing some of my old friends as well, miss you all.

Ohhh Cali.. every time I come back you keep treating me better then the last.

And as Butch says: "Hard to believe that nobody will see, what I see, through my bloodshot eyes."

Miss you California....

-Steve

CONTEST!!!

A special prize for the first person who guesses where i was in this pic.

-Steve

OMG!

Really?? Like seriously???

One of those Jonas heathens got married?!? I seriously thought they were all 12!

There is officially no justice left in this world! Not only do they "make music" Is that what their calling it? And now their getting married before they can even walk into a neon sign and order a whiskey? When will the madness end?

I wonder which of the cretins will first emerge as being caught doing blow off a skanky hookers ass... Only time will tell!

I may not have much, but if there's one thing I'm thrilled I'm not... It's that I'm not a Jonas. (C)

Another Year!

Well considering this year consisted of traveling, causing trouble, making some excellent new friends, seeing my 2 closest friends tie the knot, lots of empty bottles, lots of empty cigarette packs, and lots and lots of amazing times, it's hard to believe it's already over!

So I guess I should be the first to admit a lot I've done this year, wouldn't exactly classify as "smart", "safe" or "sane"

So what better time to do something right then now?!?

To all my friends, have an amazing holiday and a kick ass New Years! Live it up and party like rock stars! After all you only live once! Next time I see you all, first rounds on me!

Now that I proved I'm worthy of 'Saint' status....

Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?? Santa stopped after 3 ho's.

Awwwww shit!

Strange Night in Cincinnati...

So with the year ending I thought about the strangest place I ended up drinking this year...and it would have to be....an Olive Garden in Cincinnati, Ohio.

So being stuck at a Days Inn, without a car was the least of my worries.... First the hotel non smoking.... With jet engine size smoke detectors plastered on all 4 of my walls...

I leave my hotel room for a cigarette....black dickies, chuck taylors, wife beater, fedora.... walking past the hotel front desk, the "Ohio Cute" girl behind the counter just looks at me to my and i say: "How's your night going?" Her reply: "Those are a lot of tattoos, your not from around here are you?" To my reply: "Nope, born and raised in Nebraska" with a smirk on my face, she now knows i'm joking. I say "Is there anywhere to go get a doublewhiskeycokenoice around here?...within walking distance?" Her reply "Olive Garden"..... Great!

Back to my hotel room to throw on a white t-shirt...

Walk past the "Ohio Cute" girl again, this time... black dickies, chuck taylors, white t-shirt, fedora. I look at her and say "I clean up pretty good eh?" She laughs, and i'm out the door trucking to Olive Garden. Now let me clarify...I'm from NJ/NYC area...Italian food is a god send and would never be caught dead in an Olive Garden. Although being caught dead and being at an Olive Garden in Ohio....not very far off....

I toss my smoke and walk in, and B-line it to the bar....the empty bar... Throw my credit card down, and say start me a tab and I'll have double Jameson shot to start out... "I'm sorry sir...we don't have Jameson here...." My jaw drops.... The bartender says "we have bushmills, its very similar" I tell the bartender, I'm well aware what bushmills is. I tell him I'll take a double. After fooling around on my blackberry and checking the Dodgers score, I hear a barstool pull out 2 down from me. I hear a female voice say "I'll have a ...." Without taking my eyes off my Blackberry I interrupt and say "Obviously not Jameson since Gestapo Garden doesn't sell any" I hear the bartender sigh.... She orders a glass of white wine....

"Let me guess.... your playing a show tonight?" I wonder who she is talking to, she repeats herself... I look up. "Excuse me?" She says "Well your alone at the bar, keeping a low profile, visible tattoos, playing on your blackberry, and looking very suspicious" I tell her "ok ok ok you got me... have you ever heard of the Jonas Brothers?...I'm the singer" She laughs and obviously knows this conversation is going nowhere fast... She then says "Your obviously not from around here" To my reply "What gave it away? The 'Fuck Ohio' I have written all over my face?" She laughs and said "Precisely" She then goes on to tell me that "Cincinnati isn't all that bad, I'm from here" I give her my condolences and explain to her that "I'm from the NJ/NYC area, and Cincinnati is more like Bushmills, while my home is more like Jameson" The bartender sighs again....

At this time, i kicked nearly 3/4 of the bushmills bottle, and with only 1 slice of pizza in me I grabbed at the airport, I'm feeling extremely good. My new friend at the bar, asks me where I'm staying I tell her the hotel behind here where I've been wondering if theres been more murders or roaches there. She tells me I'm staying at the hotel a few minutes from here for a conference for work, a 4 star hotel, with all the amenities. I explain to her "my hotel has a bed and a door, i'm considering myself lucky"

At this time the bartender walks over to me and says "Excuse me sir..." I cut him off "What?? A miracle happened and the gods are going to pour me a double of Jameson?" Another sigh followed by a the bar and kitchen is closing in a few and...." I cut him off again "Great in that case I'll have one of your fancy pizza's to go" He then brings me the bill, and my drinking buddy grabs it and says "it's on me, to prove to you Cincinnati isn't that bad" I thank her and tell her that I will dedicate a song to her on the next Jonas Brothers album. She laughs. Then asks how long I will be in town for, I tell her my flight takes off first thing in the morning. She gives me her number and tells me to hit her up, next time I'm in town. I tell her "definitely" and she leaves. I proceed to crumple the napkin her number was on and toss it in my empty glass. The bartender brings me my pizza and asks "why would you do that?" To my reply... "I'd drink a bottle of Bushmills before I venture back to Cincinnati" The bartender does one last sigh and "asks me to leave" I leave to walk back to my hotel, eating the pizza on the way, only to leave the rest with "Ohio Cute" girl at the counter. Make my way to my room, and pass out.

Said it before and I'll say it again. Never trust an establishment that does not carry Jameson, and never trust a city where they claim to fame is putting chili over spaghetti. I'll take my NYC pizza any day.

Goodnight Cincinnati!

I desperately...

Need a vacation, hell I'd even settle for just a night away.

Anywaysssss Philly Tattoo convention is only a few months away!

Men who "talk" to Deer's

So maybe I should clarify My whole "Talking to Deers" on an earlier post, in the middle of the night I found myself outside smoking a cigarette and about 10 feet from me stands a deer...yes asshole... a real deer. He is just staring at me...I ask the deer "What are you doing so far from home buddy?"

The deer doesn't move... to which i reply... "Me?? aww no buddy i live here, just drinking some whiskey, having a cigarette, you know the whole 'better to burn out then to fade away'" I find funny, nothing from the deer. Tough crowd...

Believe it or not, this deer does not move and just stares at me. My whole mindset was "IF you keep talking to him, no way would he attack you" Which then raises the question...do deers attack, i mean I know they have the shows "When animals attack" but not sure if I ever saw a deer on there. I ask the deer that question, no reply...

So after a good 10 minutes of deer talking and smoking cigarettes, the whiskey is making everything spin, so the bed is calling. I actually said goodnight to the deer and went inside.

Lay down in bed, and 1 minute later my Blackberry goes off, (Who is texting me at this time of night) a good friend of mine, her text says "Stevie im drunk and need a good laugh, tell me something" After wondering if I would be committed if i told this story, I told her... to her reply....

"Stevie your either a genius, or the dumbest, most irrelevant person I know"

And on that note.... I text back "all of the above, goodnight"

Ooooh NYC...

So after collapsing on my bathroom floor that morning (don't ask) I decided what better way to handle that situation then to go to NYC that night...

After arriving at the bar and a steady diet of Jameson and cigarettes, I find myself involved in a conversation about tattoos with some girl....about 40 minutes later, and numerous empty glasses, this conversation moves to the bathroom stall"

"Steviieeee (spoken by said drunken girl) Isn't it fate that you have a panther tattoo and I have paws tattooed on my chest??"

"Aww babe, your so cute!" (Gives her a kiss)

At this time, the whole "fate comment" got the better of me, so I left the bathroom to find my ride....To which I say...

"Ok time to get the fuuuuck outta here"

Then I heard "Dancing With Myself" and NYC seemed so surreal to me. The booze, the freezing weather, the uneasy feeling in my stomach from whiskey and cigarettes, the women, although for some reason all I thought about was the girl who I actually didnt stand a chance with. Weird, with any luck i'll have more conversations with deers tonight...

I swear Jameson is magical!

Direct TV...

Sooo a few weeks ago my buddies and I were at a bar in CT watching the Ravens/Patriots game...on Direct TV....and it decided to cut out every 2 minutes. Therefore i now have great animosity towards Direct Tv. To prove it here is the e-mail I sent them:

Hi direct tv....

The amish called they want their technology back....

Your product is shameful and that's an understatement. How can sell something that costs an arm and a leg and it barely works?! So if there inclement weather outside your product pretty much shits the bed. Now that's great if you live in an area that there's never wind, rain or snow. Unfortunately I do not have that option. Seriously your product doesn't work with bad weather?! "Hi direct tv, welcome to planet earth" I'm pretty sure mother nature is not a direct tv subscriber. You really need to come up with a better satellite. I might as well put a wok up on my roof and right direct tv in it....I'd get the same results. And save alotta money in the process to put towards my cable provider which works despite the weather (you heard that correctly, I don't have direct tv)

But I'm no stranger to it. I know your selling point is the NFL package which is fine and dandy considering football happens during the winter when weather is at its worst. Although I was watching Ravens/Patriots a few weeks back at a bar in CT (state in the east which at any time can have bad weather) with some fellow scholars as myself. Outside....a gorgeous day! The kinda day that makes you happy to be alive. Inside "first down".....signal cuts out...."He airs it out and...." ....signal cuts out. So now direct tv doesn't work in bad weather or in perfect weather?!? Do I need to be on top a mountain to watch direct tv so the signal doesn't get blocked. So not only did you raise my blood pressure...your also the reason the Ravens lost that game. How do you sleep with yourself at night?

So to sum it up. Please fix your product because as we all know word of mouth is killer and I have a big mouth...ill scream it from mountain tops....and I have no problem getting there since THAT'S WHERE I NEED TO BE TO WATCH DIRECT TV WITHOUT IT TELLING ME TO CALL YOU GUYS EVERY 2 MINUTES!!!

So please let me know if this is true.... Does direct tv stand for:

Don't

Invest

Ridiculously

Earned

Cash

To

This

Vasectomy

Please confirm?

Hey Direct TV.... What's the opposite of above me?

I look forward to your reply.

Signed....

FDTV

Jameson....ASAP Doctor!

Sooooo my excellent ability of making horrible decisions, once again was in full effect tonight. *High Five*

Currently Driving home, looking forward to that bottle waiting for me.

It's just so hard to say 'no' to a pretty face these days. A few examples:

"Sure pretty lady at the counter, I'll sign up for a membership for your massage place"

**Editors note: No happy ending**

"Sure darling, i have no problem going to a book signing on a Sunday during football season"

"Sure gorgeous I have no problem walking your puppy, that is wearing a sweater, and dressed nicer to me"

"Broadway play about the love between two animals, how can i say no to that. Lets go"

These are a few currently in my mind, i could add more, but the cop behind me doesn't seem to fond of me swerving and typing.

I gotta practice this whole "I don't think that would be a great idea" saying...

A wise man once said...

Spooning leads to forking, which sometimes leads to cupping....

***Everyone get that, whos going to?***

Sooooooooooooooo

It's 1:49 AM...I gotta be up in less then 5 hours....

I finished the Jameson I bought about 48 hours ago

I have a steady rotation of Social D, DKM, and the Ramones

"Talking" to miss sexy from CT.....damn girl......

And now i'm off to find my bed and get a few hours of sleep!

Sooooooooooo......

"Live the life you love, and love the life you live"

"So what if all my heros are the losing kind"

It's 1:35 Am.......

Alot like last night... drunk of Jameson again.

Listening to Lucero, playing guitar, all while watching TV. Talented is an understatement!

Today I....

1) Got into a yelling match with some old dude today on the shoulder of route 46, since he didn't know how to drive, I honked, and called him out on it, he pulled over I did the same, and we started yelling at each other, then the cops came. Good times!

2) Pulled a muscle in my neck, and can barely move my head, its kinda funny, but its not, but it is, see where i'm coming from here?

3) Watched Bruno.... wow.....

4) Inadvertently pissed off **** since i didn't meet up with her...

5) Am missing Memphis, Tn.

6) Just went outside for a smoke, and there was a DEER in my front yard, what?!?! I'm pretty sure I asked him "What are you doing so far from home buddy?" .....I should probably stop drinking...

Goodnight Cleveland!

***Actually fuck Ohio....been there once... never again....*

It's 12:45 AM......

Listening to the Pogues

Have no ginger ale,

drinking Jameson on the rocks outta a pint glass.

I just got a text message from someone who will go un-named yelling at me cuz i've been acting weird around her.

Got another video text message of a girl i know fucking herself

and got another text of a girl begging me to move to California to marry her.

Seems like a normal friday night over here.

Give me strength.......

Do's and Dont's...

It's no wonder I can't sleep....

Don't: Meet girls at tattoo websites, tattoo conventions, bars, work, shows

Do: Spend more time at Farmers Markets, Craft Fairs, and Bingo Night

Don't: Kick it with cousins

Do: Ask for a family tree prior to date # 2

Don't: Have sex in a library parking lot

Do: Look for girls at a library, preferably in the self help, or alcohol abuse sections

Don't: Get a girls name tattooed on you

Do: Get old school traditional tattoos (i.e. Sailor Jerry)

Don't: Date a girl where bubblegum pop is her pissed off music

Do: Date that girl only after you have introduced her to Black Flag

Don't: Date a girl that likes the Steelers, Phillies

Do: Date a girl that likes the Ravens and Dodgers

Don't: Go to California and fear you will wake up in bathtub full of ice

Do: Go to Memphis any chance you get

Don't: Be someones seashell

Do: Shield your feet from seashells during beach football

Don't: Play Strip Wii bowling

Do: Attend Strip Clubs

Don't: Propose to strippers

Do: Propose to Kat Von D

Don't: Go to NYC for a job interview

Do: Go to NYC in search of the Johnny Cash shirt that was stolen from you

Don't: Receive head in the CBGB's bathroom, while your bass player smashes the mirror

Do: Receive head in St. Marks Pizza's bathroom, then eat delicious pizza

Steve do this, Steve do that....Steve.. don't do that...

November Top 10...

1) Lucero - '1372 Overton Park'

2) The Hold Steady - 'Stay Positive'

3) It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

4) Chris Skel and the Original Sins - 'How Many Nails Does A Coffin Need'

5) Jameson & Ginger

6) The Replacements - 'Pleased To Meet Me'

7) Bottles of Cabernet at 3:00 AM

8) Hunter S Thompson

9) The Departed

10) Anchor Tattoos

I gotta stop drinking...

or else I just keep drinking and get, what i consider great ideas at the time.....(the following morning...not so much)

For example.....

The other night being fresh out of Jameson had to settle for a few bottles of wine..... All while watching MTV and laughing.... until a video came on by a pop star, who will go un-named at this time, and my great idea is to record my own version of this song, with my acoustic guitar, ukulele (yes....a ukulele), and singing, but replacing the words to make it come from a guys perspective....clever i know....

The next morning, i listened to it, and yeah.... that really happened....

Best Conversation

*****: "Hey Steve, I got a map today and it's aweeeeeeesome!!!!"

Steve: "Ummm ok, cool? Are you going somewhere?"

*****: "No, why?"

Steve: "No reason...."

Ho Ho Ho..... Shut your legs....

Wow, the world is officially ending.... First I would like to start with the news & Santa... yes Santa. So they want the 'new' Santa to be slim and more fit, to coax kids into being healthy. They also want Santa to say "Ha Ha Ha" instead of "Ho Ho Ho" so he doesn't degrade women. OK Here we go.... First, Santa has always been plump, that's who he is, don't fuck with the classics. I can see a little kid going up to a metro-sexual santa asking for a X-Box 360, and Metro Santa saying "Are you sure?? I could get you a gift certificate to a gym, then get your nails done, then tickets to everyones favorite reason for drinking the Jonas Brothers... What the fuck!!???!!!! Keep the old skool Santa, out of shape, over weight, and smelling of whiskey, (Check out the NYC Santa's)

Then.. they can't say "Ho Ho Ho" it needs to be "Ha Ha Ha" So instead were going to have a Santa that sounds like he's taking over the world, perfect! Cuz' I would feel great with my kid ( if i had one) sitting on Santas lap as he just laughs... gross. And why are we being PC for whores?!? This is crazy to me. Like a girl is going to be at the mall and hear Santa say "Ho Ho Ho" and she's going to scream "IT WAS COLLEGE!!! and who watches Girls Gone Wild anyways?!" At that point I would chime in with a raised hand as disgruntled former bad decision maker gives Santa everyones favorite universal sign...

So in any event.... If the day comes that I have kids of my own and this keeps up... There will be no Slim, weightlifting, creepy laughing Santa coming for my kids, no way! My kids will be brought presents from the fallen Ramones, that's right kiddies, Joey, Dee Dee & Johnny will be coming down to bring you gifts, XBox 360, High Def TV's, and some good Rock n Roll Records, that still have some fucking attitude to it (so help me if I hear one more song about a guy singing, about some girl that left him in high school, and crying about it, and at the end of the song the guy singing, gets his period, that's right folks, he does!) So to sum up my random rant about shit that pisses me off, don't fuck with the original, don't be so PC over everything, makes me sick. Bullshit, AND last but not least... even with 3 fallen members.... The Ramones can STILL kick the shit out of about 99.9% of the bands out there right now!